so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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