I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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