and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
