Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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