The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
