There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
