I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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