Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
