...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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