I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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