I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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