I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
