theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
