Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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