I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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