ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
