why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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