My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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