Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we made out on top of his cat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
