Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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