I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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