U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
