dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
