The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
