My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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