Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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