Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
