This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
