did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
