and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
50% drunk capacity currently
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
