I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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