how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
