I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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