so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
