So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
