I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were destined to go to rehab together
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
