high people should be assigned attendants
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
