He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
