I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
