Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
