I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
