Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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