I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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