why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
