I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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