i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
