You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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