oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
