I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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