i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
