trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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