if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
