this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
