trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
