she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
