I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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