She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
