Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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