my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
